Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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