Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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