You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize