it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
