is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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