The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
