my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
