Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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