I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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