I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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