We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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