Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize