P.S. I can't hear my feet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she smelled like a LAN party
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we're so committed to being not committed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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