You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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