i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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