well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
