its not stalking. its research.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize