Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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