Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
