That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
