Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I color on your dick again?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
