I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
