DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
