You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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