I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
