Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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