Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize