So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
