he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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