the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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