Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i can't believe i had my finger in that
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
