Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize