so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
