Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
