She just used a chaser for red wine.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
