Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This house was built for laser tag.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
