You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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