You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
