Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
