One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
