oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry about my life...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
