On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
