ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
