got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
worst night to have a conscience
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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