dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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