Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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