I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
