you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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