New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
