like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize