Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
