I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
