I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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