Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
