those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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