Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
