I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
