She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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