So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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