that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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