I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
