pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
