dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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