Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
